Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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