Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
