i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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