he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
