I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
