Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
