If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
