I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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