my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
