Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
