Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
