It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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