Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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