she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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