This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
