Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This house was built for laser tag.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
