They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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