Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
