So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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