What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
birth control should be required to get into college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
