Moan for me like Helen Keller
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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