So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
