if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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