I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
