she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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