Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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