im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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