I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
