why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
