Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
