life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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