Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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