You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
