I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
