Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
