Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
