she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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