my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
whose parrot is this?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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