Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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