I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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