The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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