went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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