It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
