There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
