btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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