Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
