hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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