Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
