dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
