Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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