I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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