My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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