Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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