i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize