i can't believe i had my finger in that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
