11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize