i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
