I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
