Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize