Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A+ Viking dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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