you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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