I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
