I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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